Suddenly, we all have more time for reflection. Quakers are
familiar with taking time in silence for reflection, it’s what we do! Now we
are joined by legions around the globe. Schedules are falling away as we retreat
into our homes and living spaces. This strikes me as an opportunity to settle
deeply in with ourselves and ask what is truly important in my life? What do I
wish my life to stand for now?
As societies, we are questioning what is an essential
service? I am grateful to all the people who are continuing to provide essential
services so we can live. We are having to look at how we have structured our
lives, our businesses and organizations, our communities, our societies. We are
learning how inter-connected we all are with each other and all things.
My sense is our lives have been interrupted so we might
create a new life that is simpler, more balanced and more in harmony with
nature and others. My guess is that deep down, we have all known our old ways
could not go on.
I have always found the Quaker Testimony of Simplicity to
be helpful when I consider what is truly essential in my life.
SimplicityTestimony
(This is the seventh in a series of 12 monthly queries developed by Pacific Yearly Meeting. NOTE: All 12 monthly queries are on this website: http://www.renofriends.org/ under the All About Quakers tab in the main menu.)
Life is meant to be
lived from a Center, a divine Center . . . a life of unhurried peace and power.
It is simple. It is serene. It takes no time, but occupies all our
time. Thomas Kelly, A
Testament of Devotion, 1941
A life centered in God
will be directed toward keeping communication with God open and unencumbered.
Simplicity is best achieved through a right ordering of priorities, maintaining
humility of spirit, avoiding self-indulgence, resisting the accumulation of
unnecessary possessions, and avoiding over-busy lives.
Elise Boulding writes
in My Part in the Quaker Adventure, “Simplicity, beauty, and
happiness go together if they are a by-product of a concern for something more
important than ourselves.”
Do I center my life in
an awareness of God’s presence so that all things take their rightful place?
Do I live simply and
promote right sharing of the world’s bounty?
Do I keep my life
uncluttered with things and activities, avoiding commitments beyond my strength
and light?
How do I maintain
simplicity, moderation, and honesty in my speech, my manner of living, and my
daily work?
Do I recognize when I
have enough?
Is the life of the
Meeting so organized that it helps us to simplify our lives?
Friends, I’m holding us all
in the Light as we move through this challenging passage into new ways of being
with each other and in the world. We all have Light within us and gifts to give,
and we all need the gifts others have to share. May you shine your Light and
encourage others, as your equals, to shine theirs. May you receive with
gratitude and graciousness. May you take time to nourish yourself and your
family, to play, to exercise, and to rest.
Envision what can be possible, and then put feet and hands to it! Your
life is your example, your greatest testimony.
Last winter, a young couple from South Lake Tahoe visited
our Meeting. When we ended Silent Worship and asked for afterthoughts, the man
spoke. During the silence he’d been meditating on their work making snowshoe
trails through the forest. It was a snowy winter, so there was a recurring need
to set new trails to help people unfamiliar with the area find their way
through the forest. In his reflections, he’d been pondering the deeper meaning
of leaving trails for others to follow along the path of life.
A couple of weeks ago, my partner and I stayed a few days
in a cabin and cross country skied in the mountain meadows near Tahoe. The
first thing we did was get a trail map with suggestions from a local expert on
which trails would be best for us to try. We usually stick with a set trail our
first time in a new spot. When we follow the trails of others, I don’t have to
think about the path. I notice the sky, the mountain peaks, birds in the trees,
the glint of sunlight like diamonds on the snow, the crisp feel of the air on
my face.
As we become familiar with the lay of the land, we often
wander off creating our own trail. This requires more focus on choosing a
course over hills and through trees, and a willingness to take risks. Sometimes
it works out beautifully and we find an awesome new way through the woods and
meadows, enjoying new vistas and spots for lunch. There is a thrill to making
fresh tracks in the snow, particularly when it has just the right firmness and
you can float easily over the top crust without breaking through.
Other times, we don’t choose the best way. On this trip,
the snow was hard-packed and icy. We decided to cut off the main trail and find
our own way down to the meadow below. Unfortunately, I picked a hill too steep
for me to get down safely. Sometimes you can’t tell that until you are
committed. I fell. Assessing the situation, I pulled off my skis and went the
rest of the way down on my hands and knees! At the bottom, I put my skis back
on and we floated through the meadow, over shorter hills, and back to the car.
Last time we tried breaking our own trail, we had a lovely ski, but ended up on
the other side of a river and had to walk a mile back to our car with our skis
and poles over our shoulders! It was exhausting.
In reflecting on trails, I’ve come to see that sometimes
it’s critical to follow a trail someone else set who knows better than you
where to go. Other times, I enjoy the adventure of discovering a new path and
seeing where it will take me. Some of those are delightful and worthy of
sharing; others need to be marked with a big sign saying, “Don’t go this way!”
Queries:
How do I discern when to follow the trail another has set
vs. when to break a new trail for myself?
What blocks me from heeding the wisdom of those who have
gone before me?
What blocks me from heeding my own inner wisdom and charting a unique-to-me course?
New Reflections Over the Last Week
It’s interesting to read this now and reflect on navigating my way through COVID-19 and the resulting fear currently gripping our nation and communities. How do I best care for myself and those I love? What do the authorities in the medical community advise? What are the wishes of those around me? How do I honor my own wisdom and needs?
What I am noticing is that answers to these questions can shift daily, depending on individual circumstances and the evolving situation. Setting any hard and fast rules has proven impossible for me. I take each moment as it comes and make the best choices I can.
Friends have a saying I love, “I’ll hold you in the Light.” I’m holding me, you, and all of us in the Light that we might make the best decisions we can to stay healthy and safe, while still living our lives and remaining connected to one another.
I was sitting in the whirlpool at the gym continuing my meditations on suffering when my not-so-still, small voice within said, “Meditate on joy and blog about that.” Thankfully I was by myself so no one looked at me oddly when I burst out laughing! Here I am meditating on suffering instead of joy, now isn’t that ironic?
Since this revelation in the whirlpool, I’ve been noticing joy. When I really look through the lens of joy, it’s everywhere! In the morning I watch the sun shining through the blossoms of a glorious amaryllis in the front window. I taste the creamy smoothness of my coffee while I practice Qigong and Tai Chi, joyful that I can move my body in a balanced way without pain. Theo, the cat, rubs against my legs and I smile. Scott and I share healthy, tasty meals over the course of the day, along with interesting conversation and funny observations. Birds play in the heated bath outside the kitchen window. A neighbor drops by a treat from their kitchen and stays to visit for awhile. A friend calls and we share about our lives; I glean some insight from her wise words and astute questions. I take a stroll through the Wilber May Arboretum and Botanical Gardens that are our backyard and am filled with gratitude that I get to live here! My mother needs help with a project at her house and we reminisce over old times and great trips we’ve taken together. On the way home, the sun sets sending glorious splashes of color through the fluffy clouds and onto the snow blanketing Mount Rose. Scott and I toast the end of another day with red wine and then read a favorite book to each other, while the cat snuggles up and purrs.
I am realizing as I have begun this new practice of noticing joy that my mind is trained to notice what is wrong and requires “correcting” in my opinion. This training has come from a variety of sources over the course of my life, and likely was a tendency I was born with. This perfectionism can be the source of positive results if I harness it appropriately, but it makes a miserable Master! I don’t think I fully realized how insidious its tentacles were in my brain until I began this meditation on joy.
I am catching it faster as the days go by, shifting from focusing so much on what’s amiss or needs doing, to noticing what’s right and being grateful. This doesn’t mean I am ignoring that which requires my attention, but I am no longer allowing myself to be obsessively consumed with it! I’m experimenting with asking myself, “What’s right? How do I bring more joy and peace to this moment?” I find this is balancing my responses and calming my nervous system. I feel more peaceful and joyful. There is so much that is right and beautiful in the world. I want to grow that by watering it with my attention. It turns out when I do so, I also nurture my soul.
Reflections on our First Year of Going Solar & Driving the Cars of the Future
WOW! THIS IS AMAZING!! AND IT FEELS SO GOOD!!
Truly, what a joy it has been to experience driving the cars of the future, and fueling one of them and all our electricity needs with our solar panels. The cars are a hoot! They are a pleasure to drive and so much better than our old ICE (internal combustion engine) vehicles. It has felt so good to know we are using way less gas than we used to, which means less carbon emissions going into the atmosphere. We are also thrilled to know we are harnessing the Nevada sunshine to power our home and the LEAF. Scott and I share a deep love for our little, blue planet and a mutual concern about human impact on the environment. I would say that was the main reason driving our decision to go solar, EV (electric vehicle) and hybrid.
It’s an extra-added bonus to reflect on that decision one year later and see that not only is it good for Mother Nature and more fun for us, it also saves a lot of money! And who doesn’t like to save a lot of money while doing something good at the same time?
Ok, I figure you want me to get down to the nitty gritty, so here it is:
Travis estimated the system would generate approximately 12 megawatts over the course of the year. We actually produced 12.6! NOTE: Our solar system was put into service on February 19, 2019. I figured we have enough data as of this writing to do an annual entry, so I have projected 2/3 of the months of January and February based on the 1/3 of these months for which I have data as of this writing (see below for more details).
We saved $3,570 total, which I’ll break down with more explanation below for those of you who are interested. And, best of all, we saved 22,329 pounds of carbon dioxide from being emitted into Earth’s atmosphere!
I know some of you would like to know about cost recovery. We had run our old ICE vehicles into the ground and had to buy newer vehicles anyway, so we decided to go Hybrid and EV. The LEAF was $11,000–$15,000 less the sale of the Forester for $4,000. (Did I say that used LEAFs are ridiculously cheap?) The Highlander was $47,000. (These figures include sales tax.) So, these cars didn’t cost us any more than we would have spent to replace our old vehicles with ICE models. They cost, interestingly, the same to insure due to much better safety features. Both the EV and the Hybrid are cheaper to maintain than our old ICE’s, in addition to using a lot less gas. Because we had to buy newer vehicles anyway, we don’t consider the cost of the cars as part of our Going Solar expenses. It is interesting to note that it is driving the cars of the future that saves you the most money!
The total cost of the solar panels, EV charger, and installation, net of rebates and tax savings: $14,222. If we average $3,500 per year savings, we will recover this cost in about 4 years. However, keep in mind that installing solar panels and EV chargers increases the value of your home 3%. So, in reality, our panels were paid for the day they were installed!
We again want to express our gratitude to Travis and the guys at Great Basin Solar for the awesome job they did designing and installing our system! They were a dream to work with and convinced us this dream of ours was possible and could be done now and not later. I’m so glad we decided to go ahead! You can find out more about Great Basin Solar at: https://www.greatbasinsolar.com/ .
THE DATA
Electricity Production and Accumulated Credits
Our panels produced 12.6 megawatts, a little over what Travis estimated when he built our system (including projections explained below). We used less than he’d estimated, because we drive the LEAF about 1/2 of average. This resulted in a $233.66 credit with NV Energy for the electricity we produced but did not use. At 9 cents per kilowatt, we have 2.6 megawatts of banked electricity, about 20% of our total production!
Averaging our 2017 and 2018 utility bills, we paid $1269 annually for electricity and gas. This year we paid only $648 for a savings of $621! We decided to look at our total utility bill, since we are now using electric heaters to lower our use of natural gas to heat our home in the winter. This has reduced our gas usage by 20%! The main heater in our house now only comes on in the morning to bring the house up to temperature, then our Ben Franklin gas stove and EdenPure heater take over for the rest of the day. (See below for more information.)
We’d originally estimated we would save $50 per month on electricity use, or $600 per year. We were right in there with our actual savings of $621. Interestingly, gas prices have gone up 17% this year, so even though we are using 20% less, the bill is about the same. However, I suspect that gas prices will continue to rise so the savings will increase over time from lowering our gas use. Electricity costs, probably due to increasing use of renewables in Nevada, have remained steady.
Energy Generated Over the Life of the System as of January 10, 20202019 Electricity Produced, Missing January and 1/3 of February
The above two graphs off our SolarEdge show our production over the life of the system, which went into service on February 19, 2019. The 2019 graph is missing 2/3 of February and all of January. I used these two graphs to project the missing data as follows: 700 for January 750 for February. In the 2019 graph above, February shows 250 kilowatts for 1/3 of the month, so 500 kilowatts are missing in addition to the 700 for January, for a total of 1200 kilowatts. Add that to the 11.36 megawatts shown on the graph and you get 12.56 or 12.6 megawatts.
Our December power bill shows the dramatic increase in our use that happens in December and January when we have our Christmas lights on, plug in an extra refrigerator for holiday parties and use electric heaters to zone heat our home. The latter is new idea we had when we realized how much electricity we’d banked and that natural gas costs went up 17% over last year! Looking at the bill, you can see that we finally used some of our bank: $77.97.
We added an EdenPure infrared, copper heater to our dining room/kitchen this winter. Scott had it in storage, so we decided to put it to good use! It is keeping the area where I work much warmer, and our kitchen. This is an efficient heater (uses 1-1.5 kilowatts per hour). It has a nice, quiet hum and doesn’t get hot to the touch. Scott also uses a small Lasko electric heater in the bedroom in the mornings, while he is reading and sipping coffee. These electric heaters have reduced the amount of natural gas we are using with our gas heaters by 20%! It is now much toastier in the areas where we hang out, without needing to heat unused areas of our home.
Overall, we are thrilled with how the net metering with NV Energy works. It looks like we will be able to continue to provide all the electricity we need with our solar panels, while reducing our use of natural gas. We will know more, of course, as the years go by and you’ll get to watch that unfold when I do the annual entries in this blog!
2016 Nissan LEAF
I LOVE our little LEAF! I’ve nicknamed her “BeeBee”, ’cause she’s so darned cute! She’s also fast, handles well, and uses less electricity than we’d expected. To top it off she’s way more spacious and comfortable than I’d imagined. Our parents can even get in and out of her with ease, which I never thought would be possible! The instant heat and A/C is lovely, especially being able to turn it on with our cell phones before we go out to the car. Heated front seats and steering wheel are wonderful in winter. The trunk is deep and spacious and seats are easy to lay down for carrying longer loads. She is also super quiet, since she doesn’t have an engine.
We never had range issues for in town use and even took the LEAF to Incline Village and Carson City without having to plug her in for a recharge. Our LEAF has a range of 100 miles with a full charge, so it easily accommodates all of our in town travel, and I love not ever going to a gas station! She plugs in like a cell phone through her cute little nose in the garage–how easy is that? One of my secret pleasures with the LEAF is the instant response of the electric motors when you hit the accelerator. I can burn rubber and leave muscle cars in the dust! (Not that I do that often… Really…)
The spreadsheet above gives the first year stats with some projections for the months of January, February and March, since we got the car in April. Averaging out our normal use, we expect to drive the LEAF about 6000 miles per year and use 1.6 megawatts of electricity. If we didn’t have solar panels, it would only cost us $144 per year to power her! That is a savings of around $800 over my old Subaru! (So, it pays to have an EV whether you have solar or not.) But, because we have solar panels, our savings is actually $950! Plus we saved 5700 pounds of carbon dioxide from entering the atmosphere (286 gallons X 20 lbs/gallon of gas).
We also saved money on repairs and maintenance. I have driven 100,000+ ICE vehicles for most of my life and they have high R&M bills, about $900 per year on average. The LEAF only had one minor repair to tighten front axle bolts for $151, for a savings of $749. This brings the total savings of driving the LEAF for a year to $1,700! (NOTE: This will decrease as the car ages and the R&M bills get higher.) In future years, I will keep a running total of savings so you can see how owning an EV plays out over time. Most EV’s cost about 1/3 of an ICE to maintain due to not having engines and transmissions, and saving the brakes with regenerative braking.
The best part for us has been the pure joy of driving this car and knowing we are powering it with Nevada sunshine and emitting zero carbon and no pollution. We use it most of the time, saving the Highlander for when we need two cars or will be traveling out of the LEAF’s 100-mile range.
2019 Toyota Highlander Hybrid
The Highlander Hybrid is a dream to drive–smooth, comfortable, spacious and luxurious! Really an awesome deal for the price! The hybrid system and continuous variable transmission are engineering miracles in our opinion. The Highlander cruises on the electric motors as much as it can and when it needs the V-6 engine, the engagement is seamless and barely noticeable. It has incredible power for such a large vehicle, yet it is 40% more efficient than the 4-Runner. The continuous variable transmission provides smooth, quick acceleration even when you romp on the accelerator or are pulling Pearl (our teardrop trailer) up a steep hill. Combined with a sophisticated cruise control, you can often set your speed and forget it and the car will adjust itself to accommodate to slower vehicles in front of it, keeping 3 car lengths behind.
It has comfortable captains chairs and front and back and 3 seats in the far back, giving it the capacity to carry 7 passengers. When you fold down all the back seats, you have a cargo area even larger than the 4-Runner’s! The heating and A/C systems keep the cabin comfortable front and back. The front seats can be heated or cooled. The Highlander comes with a tow package installed which easily pulls Pearl for camping trips. You can’t even tell she’s back there! We could tow a trailer 3X her size with the Highlander’s tow capacity of 3500 pounds.
This vehicle is also equipped with a ton of safety features like: lane departure alerts, alarms if a car is coming at you from the side, blind spot alerts, alarms if you get to close to something when parking, and a great backup camera with alarms if something is coming up behind you while you are backing out. Because of all these safety features, it actually costs LESS to insure than the old 4-Runner!
We drove 7676 miles during 2019 and used only 279 gallons of gas, a savings of 200 gallons and $670 over the 4-Runner, and 4000 pounds of carbon emissions (200 gallons X 20 lbs/gallon). Another nice benefit of this is that we only fuel the Highlander once a month instead of twice, and we rarely have to stop for fuel when traveling longer distances. We can go over 400 miles on one tank.
The Highlander is also expected to be cheaper to maintain than the 4-Runner due to the hybrid system and the lower cost of maintaining the two electric motors driving the AWD system. It also uses regenerative braking to store power in its batteries, similar to the LEAF, which reduces wear on the brakes. Hybrids cost about 2/3 as much to maintain as regular ICE vehicles. We will see how this works out over time. This year we saved a lot on R&M because we had been paying about $900/month to maintain the old 4-Runner and the Highlander is covered for 2 years as part of our purchase agreement. However, we decided it was best to use the average R&M over the life of the 4-Runner as a comparison (I’ll adjust that up by 2% per year to factor in inflation over time), so this year the savings added up to $579. It will be interesting to see how it averages out over time…
Our total savings driving the Highlander in 2019 was $1249! And the driving experience was incredible in comparison to the old 4-Runner which had a much stiffer truck suspension, rough gear shifting (especially uphill), scary downhill braking vibrations, a lot more cabin noise, and much less comfortable seating. It was also becoming impossible for our parents to get in and out of its higher seats. We use the Highlander as our travel vehicle for longer road trips and camping adventures with Pearl, for transporting larger items and lumber, and when we need a second car for getting around town. It is an awesome all-around vehicle! The combo of our two vehicles of the future is perfect for us and we are so happy we took the plunge this year and made a long-time dream come true!
December 2019 Data
I never did a blog post for December, as I decided to wait and just do an annual post instead. But here is the December data for those of you who have been following along monthly:
Our lowest month of production by far!
We are excited about 2020 and having a whole year of data to share with you next year, plus more stories about going solar and driving the cars of the future!
I LOVE our little LEAF! I’ve nicknamed her “BeeBee”, ’cause she’s so darned cute! She’s also fast, handles well, and uses less electricity than we’d expected. To top it off she’s way more spacious and comfortable than I’d imagined. Our parents can even get in and out of her with ease, which I never thought would be possible! The instant heat and A/C is lovely, especially being able to turn it on with our cell phones before we go out to the car. Heated front seats and steering wheel are wonderful in winter. The trunk is deep and spacious and seats are easy to lay down for carrying longer loads. She is also super quiet, since she doesn’t have an engine.
We never had range issues for in town use and even took the LEAF to Incline Village and Carson City without having to plug her in for a recharge. Our LEAF has a range of 100 miles with a full charge, so it easily accommodates all of our in town travel, and I love not ever going to a gas station! She plugs in like a cell phone through her cute little nose in the garage–how easy is that? One of my secret pleasures with the LEAF is the instant response of the electric motors when you hit the accelerator. I can burn rubber and leave muscle cars in the dust! (Not that I do that often… Really…)
The spreadsheet above gives the first year stats with some projections for the months of January, February and March, since we got the car in April. Averaging out our normal use, we expect to drive the LEAF about 6000 miles per year and use 1.6 megawatts of electricity. If we didn’t have solar panels, it would only cost us $144 per year to power her! That is a savings of around $800 over my old Subaru! (So, it pays to have an EV whether you have solar or not.) But, because we have solar panels, our savings is actually $950! Plus we saved 5700 pounds of carbon dioxide from entering the atmosphere (286 gallons X 20 lbs/gallon of gas).
We also saved money on repairs and maintenance. I have driven 100,000+ ICE vehicles for most of my life and they have high R&M bills, about $900 per year on average. The LEAF only had one minor repair to tighten front axle bolts for $151, for a savings of $749. This brings the total savings of driving the LEAF for a year to $1,700! (NOTE: This will decrease as the car ages and the R&M bills get higher.) In future years, I will keep a running total of savings so you can see how owning an EV plays out over time. Most EV’s cost about 1/3 of an ICE to maintain due to not having engines and transmissions, and saving the brakes with regenerative braking.
The best part for us has been the pure joy of driving this car and knowing we are powering it with Nevada sunshine and emitting zero carbon and no pollution. We use it most of the time, saving the Highlander for when we need two cars or will be traveling out of the LEAF’s 100-mile range.
My musings on suffering have continued since the last post and today I am contemplating my need to suffer. It works something like this: If others are suffering or the world is in trouble, I cannot be happy or at peace. I need to keep working on alleviating suffering.
When I consider this more carefully, I can see how crazy this way of thinking is. After all, one of my morning prayers is “May all beings be happy; may all beings be at peace.” There is not a corollary which says, “And in the meantime, suffer together.”
Another piece of this need to suffer is guilt. I feel guilty for having a good life which is relatively free of suffering. I feel guilty when I’m happy. Wow, that’s fascinating… I feel guilty when I’m happy and at peace.
So, what would my life be like if I could let go of the need to suffer, the guilt over being happy and at peace when others are not? I imagine I would be lighter, more serene, more present to others with an open, happy heart. How might that change my responses? I’m guessing I’d feed happiness, peace and hope more than the suffering. I know that what we resist persists, what we fight against, we make stronger. Isn’t working to alleviate suffering, actually getting me stuck in suffering–my own and others?
How might the world be different if we focused on that which opens our hearts, softens our clenching against pain, increases ours and others peace and joy? What if I made a commitment to being happy and peaceful, even if I or others have pain?
I might be more like my friend, Jane. She called me this morning and we talked for a long time. She deals with more pain than I can imagine, every day. Yet, she is determined to live each day with a positive attitude, creating as much joy as she can. She has an infectious laugh and a sense of humor about things most of us would be mortified over. I’ve come to realize it is how she avoids needless suffering over things she cannot control. She might have pain, but she doesn’t suffer. She will allow herself to grieve at times, but only for so long before she’s laughing about something funny her grandson did. Here’s to you Jane! You inspire me.
I woke up this morning with a very clear message, “Release the fear of suffering.” This meditation has followed me through my morning practice and into my day and now onto my blog. My sense is this might turn into a series of musings on this very rich topic…
When I woke with the message, I snuggled in with Scott and shared it with him. He then told me he was restless all night, convinced he was having a recurrence of chronic wrist pain. After work with a skilled PT and healer recently, it had completely stopped with only minor, occasional twinges and some soreness if he used his hands a lot during the day. Finally, he got up and went to get his wrist brace. “As I was walking over to get it, I realized my wrist didn’t hurt. I must have been dreaming, afraid of the pain coming back.”
An example from my own life is my tendency to catastrophize and imagine the worst happening instead of the best. These days I often find myself awash in my fears for Mother Earth and what will happen in the future because of human activities which are seriously damaging the biosphere. I can lose myself in despair and hopelessness if I let my mind continue down this spiral of thought.
Isn’t this how it goes? We cause suffering in the present because we are fearful of suffering in the future. We can become obsessed with trying to control our future to avoid suffering, or become frozen with despair. Oftentimes, that which we fear either doesn’t come to pass or is much less scary than we’d imagined. How much more suffering do we endure as a result of our fear? How much of our life do we waste worrying, strategizing, controlling, withdrawing, isolating ourselves, bracing against pain (which can cause more pain due to chronic tension from muscle guarding) and despairing in hopelessness?
One of my favorite teachers is Ekhart Tolle who wrote The Power of Now. He asks, are you in danger now? Are you in pain now? What is true in this moment? He encourages us to live more in the moment, the only one we truly have. He asks us to trust that if we are fully present right NOW all will be well and we will clearly know what response to make to whatever is in front of us. It is the only space in which we can transform our own lives and the world in which we live.
How might our lives be different if we released our fear of suffering in the future? Waiting for the other shoe to drop? The pain to return? The bottom to fall out? The world to end?
In my experience, we create in our life and our world that which we dwell upon in our thoughts. What if we spent more time focusing on what we would like to create instead of what we fear? What if we embrace hope, peace, lovingkindness? What miracles could happen if we take action from that place?
It’s the first day of 2020 and I want to wish you all a joyful, peaceful, healthy New Year and Decade. I was inspired this morning to share a piece I wrote for the Friend’s publication: What Canst Thou Say.
Friends believe that “there is that of the Light in everyone”. Even when darkness permeates our thoughts, the Light remains glowing at the center of our Being. May this be a year of dusting off our Lights and letting them shine.
This Little Light
In March
2017, I spent a week on retreat in a small cabin on the banks of the Trinity
River in California. It was a journey into myself and my past. I carted along
all my journals from high school to age 50, determined to go through them,
hoping to find peace. I brought my favorite spiritual books to support me, my
laptop, a scanner, pre-prepared food to sustain me, coffee for the mornings,
wine for the nights, and a yoga mat.
Days
unfolded without agenda, at first frenetically, as I relived years of being
lost, mostly in other people’s agendas and needs. Yet, somehow the flame of my
own fire and truth continued to burn. I struggled with addiction, capitulation,
escapism, depression, anxiety and guilt, but I also had an inextinguishable
resilience, a faith that love and good was stronger than darkness, a true
desire to be a comfort and support to others in their own struggles. As I read
my life story, I cried; I laughed; I yelled; I walked along the river; I did
yoga; I prayed; I journaled; I read. With time, I became more peaceful and my
frenzy slowed.
I began to
see the longer lines of my life’s journey. By some grace I can never explain in
words, I let go of the guilt I’d always felt about not being perfect and I
could see it was all perfect. I knew that every step had brought me to where I
was and every one was needed, especially the mis-steps that taught me the most
in hindsight.
In my
prayers I asked for guidance about where to go next. At 50, it felt like I was
crossing a threshold into a new phase of my life and I wanted a map.
On my last
morning, I sat meditating and praying on my yoga mat. Suddenly, I dropped down
into the very core of my being and everything else fell away. I heard the Voice
Within start singing that old song I learned as a child, “This little Light of
mine, I’m gonna let it shine.” The Voice Within transmitted this message in a
thought form:
You are
always looking outside yourself or somewhere else for answers or a mission to
complete. STOP. I AM RIGHT HERE INSIDE YOU. You don’t have to go anywhere. Pay
attention, I will bring to you all you need and all who need you. BE STILL,
KNOW YOU ARE ONE WITH ME.
It was one of those sublime moments I will never forget, filled with grace and peace and deep knowing. As I have returned to my normal life, this knowing fades in and out. But some channel opened in that mystical moment and I can tune into it if I am still and quiet my mind. I’ve discovered I’m the one who leaves mySelf, who forgets that of the Light is within me and everyone else.
I was about to press the Publish button, when these photos came in from our neighbor! Isn’t that a magical omen for the New Year? Let’s keep the faith in rainbows after storms, in Light after Darkness.
Wow I’m late posting this month! Got caught up in the Christmas season and never got to it… I am happy to say I did keep my Retreat Days and that helped sustain me. Retreat Days are kind of like storing our solar electricity in the grid. When you need to draw on reserves, they are there for you. As of mid-November we started heading down in our kWh produced, but we still produced nearly 1 megawatt and accumulated 128 kilowatts from mid-October to mid-November. Now we will begin tapping into our reserves as we head towards the darkest days of the year.
The Data
We used the LEAF less in November than October and our efficiency in miles/kWh was lower. We did use the heater more and the temperatures dropped, so it will be interesting to watch what happens as the winter comes on. This month we went from 4.26 to 3.48 miles/kWh.
I thought my blog readers might enjoy this post I originally created for the Reno Friends blog at http://www.renofriends.org/.
The idea of “lying fallow” comes from agriculture. It is an ancient practice used by farmers to rest and restore soil. The idea is to take a field out of production, plow it under and let it lie fallow for a year or two. During this time, nutrients in the soil are renewed so the next crop planted will thrive. As I’ve observed nature, I’ve noticed lying fallow is not just for soil.
As the leaves fall, days shorten, and temperatures cool, I
find myself craving rest and quiet time at home. I long for spacious hours to
draw inwards and restore my energy after the exuberant activities of summer.
I’m not the only one. The cat spends more hours curled in his baskets,
preferably in the sun or on the heated bathroom floor. The bunnies and
squirrels in the park appear less often, spending most of their time
underground, only coming out when it is warm and sunny.
Yet, this seems to be the busiest time of year for social
gatherings and community events. Our calendars fill up with holiday parties,
get-togethers, lunches, dinners, coffee dates, shopping, and travel to be with
family. Our mailboxes fill with annual holiday greetings and we have a list of our
own to get out.
Something in me rails against this busyness which appears
at the exact time that I want to be lazy, stay home and rest! In recent years,
I’ve become more mindful of how I do this season. I examine every request that
comes my way and ask myself if it is an absolute YES, if it isn’t, I politely
decline. At times I make exceptions—sometimes what someone else needs is more
important than my preferences. I strive to balance my energy, my Light, as Friends
like to say.
This year I’m trying something new, a Retreat Day once a
week. On this day, I keep my schedule free so I can stay at home and float
through my day, doing that which restores me and allows me to settle deeply
into myself. I’m an introvert, meaning that I need alone time to restore my
energy after I’ve been out and about in our extroverted and busy world.
Here’s what I am noticing about my experiment: I am calmer,
slower, more peaceful and thoughtful this season. Knowing I have a Retreat Day
to look forward to every week helps me be more present to others, as well as to
myself. The bucket I’m giving out of is fuller, so my giving is fluid and easy.
I don’t feel drained, over-obligated and resentful. I know I will have the time
I need to rest and recharge. I wonder what took me so long to give myself this
gift of a day of rest! Like the fields, lying fallow restores me so I can
nourish others with joy and isn’t that what this season is all about?
