My musings on suffering have continued since the last post and today I am contemplating my need to suffer. It works something like this: If others are suffering or the world is in trouble, I cannot be happy or at peace. I need to keep working on alleviating suffering.

When I consider this more carefully, I can see how crazy this way of thinking is. After all, one of my morning prayers is “May all beings be happy; may all beings be at peace.” There is not a corollary which says, “And in the meantime, suffer together.”

Another piece of this need to suffer is guilt. I feel guilty for having a good life which is relatively free of suffering. I feel guilty when I’m happy. Wow, that’s fascinating… I feel guilty when I’m happy and at peace.

So, what would my life be like if I could let go of the need to suffer, the guilt over being happy and at peace when others are not? I imagine I would be lighter, more serene, more present to others with an open, happy heart. How might that change my responses? I’m guessing I’d feed happiness, peace and hope more than the suffering. I know that what we resist persists, what we fight against, we make stronger. Isn’t working to alleviate suffering, actually getting me stuck in suffering–my own and others?

How might the world be different if we focused on that which opens our hearts, softens our clenching against pain, increases ours and others peace and joy? What if I made a commitment to being happy and peaceful, even if I or others have pain?

I might be more like my friend, Jane. She called me this morning and we talked for a long time. She deals with more pain than I can imagine, every day. Yet, she is determined to live each day with a positive attitude, creating as much joy as she can. She has an infectious laugh and a sense of humor about things most of us would be mortified over. I’ve come to realize it is how she avoids needless suffering over things she cannot control. She might have pain, but she doesn’t suffer. She will allow herself to grieve at times, but only for so long before she’s laughing about something funny her grandson did. Here’s to you Jane! You inspire me.

I woke up this morning with a very clear message, “Release the fear of suffering.” This meditation has followed me through my morning practice and into my day and now onto my blog. My sense is this might turn into a series of musings on this very rich topic…

When I woke with the message, I snuggled in with Scott and shared it with him. He then told me he was restless all night, convinced he was having a recurrence of chronic wrist pain. After work with a skilled PT and healer recently, it had completely stopped with only minor, occasional twinges and some soreness if he used his hands a lot during the day. Finally, he got up and went to get his wrist brace. “As I was walking over to get it, I realized my wrist didn’t hurt. I must have been dreaming, afraid of the pain coming back.”

An example from my own life is my tendency to catastrophize and imagine the worst happening instead of the best. These days I often find myself awash in my fears for Mother Earth and what will happen in the future because of human activities which are seriously damaging the biosphere. I can lose myself in despair and hopelessness if I let my mind continue down this spiral of thought.

Isn’t this how it goes? We cause suffering in the present because we are fearful of suffering in the future. We can become obsessed with trying to control our future to avoid suffering, or become frozen with despair. Oftentimes, that which we fear either doesn’t come to pass or is much less scary than we’d imagined. How much more suffering do we endure as a result of our fear? How much of our life do we waste worrying, strategizing, controlling, withdrawing, isolating ourselves, bracing against pain (which can cause more pain due to chronic tension from muscle guarding) and despairing in hopelessness?

One of my favorite teachers is Ekhart Tolle who wrote The Power of Now. He asks, are you in danger now? Are you in pain now? What is true in this moment? He encourages us to live more in the moment, the only one we truly have. He asks us to trust that if we are fully present right NOW all will be well and we will clearly know what response to make to whatever is in front of us. It is the only space in which we can transform our own lives and the world in which we live.

How might our lives be different if we released our fear of suffering in the future? Waiting for the other shoe to drop? The pain to return? The bottom to fall out? The world to end?

In my experience, we create in our life and our world that which we dwell upon in our thoughts. What if we spent more time focusing on what we would like to create instead of what we fear? What if we embrace hope, peace, lovingkindness? What miracles could happen if we take action from that place?

I thought my blog readers might enjoy this post I originally created for the Reno Friends blog at http://www.renofriends.org/.

The idea of “lying fallow” comes from agriculture. It is an ancient practice used by farmers to rest and restore soil. The idea is to take a field out of production, plow it under and let it lie fallow for a year or two. During this time, nutrients in the soil are renewed so the next crop planted will thrive. As I’ve observed nature, I’ve noticed lying fallow is not just for soil.

As the leaves fall, days shorten, and temperatures cool, I find myself craving rest and quiet time at home. I long for spacious hours to draw inwards and restore my energy after the exuberant activities of summer. I’m not the only one. The cat spends more hours curled in his baskets, preferably in the sun or on the heated bathroom floor. The bunnies and squirrels in the park appear less often, spending most of their time underground, only coming out when it is warm and sunny.

Yet, this seems to be the busiest time of year for social gatherings and community events. Our calendars fill up with holiday parties, get-togethers, lunches, dinners, coffee dates, shopping, and travel to be with family. Our mailboxes fill with annual holiday greetings and we have a list of our own to get out.

Something in me rails against this busyness which appears at the exact time that I want to be lazy, stay home and rest! In recent years, I’ve become more mindful of how I do this season. I examine every request that comes my way and ask myself if it is an absolute YES, if it isn’t, I politely decline. At times I make exceptions—sometimes what someone else needs is more important than my preferences. I strive to balance my energy, my Light, as Friends like to say.

This year I’m trying something new, a Retreat Day once a week. On this day, I keep my schedule free so I can stay at home and float through my day, doing that which restores me and allows me to settle deeply into myself. I’m an introvert, meaning that I need alone time to restore my energy after I’ve been out and about in our extroverted and busy world.

Here’s what I am noticing about my experiment: I am calmer, slower, more peaceful and thoughtful this season. Knowing I have a Retreat Day to look forward to every week helps me be more present to others, as well as to myself. The bucket I’m giving out of is fuller, so my giving is fluid and easy. I don’t feel drained, over-obligated and resentful. I know I will have the time I need to rest and recharge. I wonder what took me so long to give myself this gift of a day of rest! Like the fields, lying fallow restores me so I can nourish others with joy and isn’t that what this season is all about?