It’s the first day of 2020 and I want to wish you all a joyful, peaceful, healthy New Year and Decade. I was inspired this morning to share a piece I wrote for the Friend’s publication: What Canst Thou Say.

Friends believe that “there is that of the Light in everyone”. Even when darkness permeates our thoughts, the Light remains glowing at the center of our Being. May this be a year of dusting off our Lights and letting them shine.

This Little Light

In March 2017, I spent a week on retreat in a small cabin on the banks of the Trinity River in California. It was a journey into myself and my past. I carted along all my journals from high school to age 50, determined to go through them, hoping to find peace. I brought my favorite spiritual books to support me, my laptop, a scanner, pre-prepared food to sustain me, coffee for the mornings, wine for the nights, and a yoga mat.

Days unfolded without agenda, at first frenetically, as I relived years of being lost, mostly in other people’s agendas and needs. Yet, somehow the flame of my own fire and truth continued to burn. I struggled with addiction, capitulation, escapism, depression, anxiety and guilt, but I also had an inextinguishable resilience, a faith that love and good was stronger than darkness, a true desire to be a comfort and support to others in their own struggles. As I read my life story, I cried; I laughed; I yelled; I walked along the river; I did yoga; I prayed; I journaled; I read. With time, I became more peaceful and my frenzy slowed.

I began to see the longer lines of my life’s journey. By some grace I can never explain in words, I let go of the guilt I’d always felt about not being perfect and I could see it was all perfect. I knew that every step had brought me to where I was and every one was needed, especially the mis-steps that taught me the most in hindsight.

In my prayers I asked for guidance about where to go next. At 50, it felt like I was crossing a threshold into a new phase of my life and I wanted a map.

On my last morning, I sat meditating and praying on my yoga mat. Suddenly, I dropped down into the very core of my being and everything else fell away. I heard the Voice Within start singing that old song I learned as a child, “This little Light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.” The Voice Within transmitted this message in a thought form:

You are always looking outside yourself or somewhere else for answers or a mission to complete. STOP. I AM RIGHT HERE INSIDE YOU. You don’t have to go anywhere. Pay attention, I will bring to you all you need and all who need you. BE STILL, KNOW YOU ARE ONE WITH ME.

It was one of those sublime moments I will never forget, filled with grace and peace and deep knowing. As I have returned to my normal life, this knowing fades in and out. But some channel opened in that mystical moment and I can tune into it if I am still and quiet my mind. I’ve discovered I’m the one who leaves mySelf, who forgets that of the Light is within me and everyone else.

I was about to press the Publish button, when these photos came in from our neighbor! Isn’t that a magical omen for the New Year? Let’s keep the faith in rainbows after storms, in Light after Darkness.