I wanted to share the experiences of my day yesterday. This is a new theme I was inspired to begin, one that is about raw, unedited, unanalyzed experience.
In my morning meditation, I was doing a Qigong exercise where I draw in energy into a chakra, feel it filling me, and then I give out that energy back into the world. As I do this exercise, I reflect all the other beings who make my existence possible. Thousands of hands, plants, animals have created that which gives me sustenance. From the air I breathe to the food I eat to the clothing I wear to the materials in this home to the love that surrounds me, it all came from some form of Spirit to give me life. I offer my gratitude and I feel myself fill up. Suddenly, this morning, I wasn’t there anymore. There was nothing to fill up. I was just a living, breathing part of Life with no separation. Breathing in, breathing out. It was blissfully peaceful and electrifying all at the same time. There was no need to hold on to anything, to fill anything.
Mid-morning, I went shopping for the monthly wine supply. I asked the cashier if she was ready for Christmas. She said, “Yes, all except for my husband. I can’t come up with what to get him.”
I said, “My honey and I have decided to give each other experiences instead of gifts. We give each other a nice meal out or a weekend getaway or a vacation or theater tickets.”
I watched her light up as she considered this possibility. She reflected over scanning a few bottles. “You know, you’ve given me a great idea. I wonder what I could do… You know, he upgraded us to first class for our Hawaii trip as his present. I can’t top that.”
I queried, “Is there some experience you’d like to have in Hawaii?”
She grinned, “Wow, I could buy tickets for something and surprise him!”
I nodded. She finished scanning wine. I paid the bill and wished her a Merry Christmas. She looked me in the eye and said, “Merry Christmas to you to and THANK YOU.”
At lunch, I met my friend Peggy at a Chinese restaurant. We had an engaging conversation about remaining peaceful during the holidays. She gave me a Christmas ornament with a picture of Scott and I in it and I was so touched she had done that. What a sweet and thoughtful gift. She said, “It was an inspiration. When you showed me this picture (taken on our 5th anniversary), I knew I needed to get this for you.”
A few minutes later, our waitress showed up unexpectedly (we already had our lunches) carrying a platter of chicken lo mein. “Would you ladies like to have this? Someone just sent it back and I hate to throw it out.” We lit up and accepted her gracious offer. I’ll never know why she picked us out of all her tables to offer it to. I left her a $20 tip.
In the evening, I had a long conversation with my friend, Debs. She told me the story of a really rough day she had after I wrote the Let Go post in Musings. She wanted me to know how it had helped her through that day. She was struggling with being home ill and alone, and the old abandonment fears were closing in on her. “I didn’t reach for a distraction like the TV, I just sat in my chair with myself and my fear.” Then she described passing through the fear, the pain of feeling abandoned and alone, and feeling love fill her. She knew she was loved and she saw how she abandons herself. In that moment, she promised to stop doing that, to stop looking outside herself for what is always there inside of her. She said, “Now I’m not so afraid of being home alone.” She knows that isn’t really true anymore. She is never alone.
I thanked her for sharing this beautiful experience with me. I admitted that I feel compelled by Spirit to write in this blog, but sometimes I wonder if anyone reads it, if it is helpful. Her sharing inspires me to keep writing, keep sharing.
And then we came up with a whole bunch more material to reflect on and write about.