I continue to be blown away by this experience, which is so different from the last! I just finished walking down to the end of the block and back! It took a long time before I could do that last time. Today is beautiful with fluffy, white clouds dotting the sky and it is wonderfully warm. The neighbors are all working on their yards and the flowers are blooming. It feels outside like I feel inside.

Yesterday I had my first physical therapy appointment with Lori. I walked in with my hiking poles, but just left them by the lockers in case I needed them. She watched me walk up to her, unassisted, in amazement. “Look at you!” she exclaimed. She had me get up on a table and checked my range of motion. “Unbelievable, I’ve never seen this at one week post-op.” I showed her all the things I could already do, including getting up on my hands and knees and alternately lifting my opposite arm and leg. She observed that I was already able to safely pass the 90-degree angle limitation, but cautioned me against crossing the leg against my body. “Don’t do that until 6 weeks, even if you feel like you can.”

I really enjoy working with her, because she can so readily assess where I am and not try to fit me into a “standard protocol.” I told her I’d been doing the exercises she’d given me last time, since Day 4. I also demonstrated that I could stand and balance on the leg and weight shift, which I could not do on the right leg until some time after our last appointment. She decided that meant I could work on the balance board right off! I never even made it to the balance board after 6 weeks of therapy on the right side! But, today I’m sore and stiff, of course. Not nearly as bad as last time, though.

I showed her how my muscles snap over the cable surrounding my femur on the right leg, and told her that hurt until the 7-month mark and that I still can’t walk over a mile without the leg muscles seizing up. She winced. I said I thought that was the difference between this time and last time, that and not waiting as long. I also showed her how I still can’t stand on my right leg and extend my left leg back very far without it buckling. She wondered if I could have the cable removed? I said, that my agreement with Dr. Shukla was that we’d give it a year and if it was still seriously giving me trouble, like keeping me from walking over a mile, he would do it. I’m hoping my muscles will continue to get used to it and I won’t have to have another surgery.

The statement she made that really stuck with me was, “The first one was atypical (bad) and this one is better than I’ve seen at one week from surgery.”

I decided that means the whole thing averages out, and I’m just happy the golden girl was my second one and not my first. Imagine how depressed I would be if it had been the other way around?

When I got home, I cried with relief. I realized that I didn’t know if I could make it through another agonizing, long rehab. I am so very grateful to have this miraculous post-op experience instead! I wept tears of gratitude and thanked God, all my angels, and my great team at Reno Orthopedic Clinic!

I had this knowing deep down: It Is Done. Now, I move forward with steady, balanced devotion to healing and rehabbing, while being kind and gentle, yet persistently determined.

Yesterday was a tired day, so I slept instead of blogging! Today I’m more energetic and thought I’d reach out and update all of you.

I continue to do so much better than last time! It is truly amazing the difference with this hip. I have way less pain, much more strength and flexibility. I can actually stand on my left leg, which I couldn’t do for a long time on my last one. Because of this, I can walk better right from the get go! I hardly need the walker anymore, but do use it to carry things. I use my hiking poles for stability when I’m just walking. But, honestly, a lot of the time I don’t need them either and this is only Day 4! I am absolutely stunned. I think videos are always worth so much more than words, so let’s do that…  Rhonda’s Hip Adventure Videos.  See the video of Day 4 Surgery 2 and compare it to the first video which was Day 4 Surgery 1. Pretty incredible difference!

My body seemed to get back to its regular functions yesterday and I was able to take my first shower. Last time, this was quite the ordeal, requiring several days. I don’t think I could shower until the 5th day and that was a multiple-step process requiring resting in between steps. I couldn’t shower unattended for 3 weeks. Yesterday, I did it myself.

Once again, I’d like to recommend to anyone having surgery, make sure you use stool softeners like Colace and a stimulant like Dulcolax to get your BM’s back on track. It really helps to start the softeners 3 days before surgery  (stay on them until you are off the narcotic meds) and then use a couple of stimulants on the 2nd night after surgery. This usually takes care of things by the 3rd day, and I haven’t needed a stimulant again if I eat right and stay on the softeners. This time I also cut down on eating meat 2 days in advance of the surgery and I’ve eaten lighter during the first 72 hours of recovery. I think this also helped my surgery-sluggish digestive system.

Yesterday, third day after surgery, was a sore and tired day. It’s like the muscle soreness after an intense workout times 10. I find this is also a predictable pattern, but by today I am feeling much better and less stiff. Scott has set up my PT room in the back bedroom again and the cone walk:

I am amazed at how much more flexible this hip is! I can draw my heel to within about 6-12 inches of my behind while sitting up against the pillow. I can also open the leg a lot farther this time. You’ll see me do the cone walk in the video link above.

So, I am SUPER EXCITED!!! Now the big thing is staying in my Goldilocks zone and not doing too much or too little, but just right. I can tell that’s going to be an extra challenge with this one. I remember Davis telling me at my pre-op appointment, “Now, remember, no 2 hips are alike, so expect this one to be different.” I’m so thrilled it is such a wonderful different!

Thank you to all of you for your thoughts, prayers, emails, texts, calls, cards, flowers, food, visits and loving support! Thanks to my Beloved Scott who is always here for me, though this time, he gets off way easier! I could never get through this life without you my dear, sweet partner. Ok, time to sign off, mom is bringing us scalloped potato and ham casserole for dinner–one of my favorites.

In two weeks I will have a new left hip. In the last few days all my pre-op appointments have been scheduled and all the paperwork arrived in the mail today. I stop taking all my supplements tomorrow. I’m actually doing pretty well physically. I feel strong and my energy level is good. My pain is so manageable, I sometimes don’t take my usual 2 ibuprofen at bedtime. Moving forward with surgery sooner has meant less pain and disability than last time.

This is the moment when I realize I’ve just pushed off the shore of the river and into the flowing stream. The current is fast and all I can do now is steer through the rapids.

I keep hearing that old rhyme in my head:

   Row, Row ,Row your boat, gently down the stream.

      Merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.

Since my last entry, I’ve had some anxiety. I resisted, it insisted. Feeling states are like that–relentless until acknowledged. Finally, I turned to my anxiety and listened. I realized I’d had the mental conception that because I have just done this, I know what to expect and so this surgery will be easier. Anxiety reminded me that this one is different. It said, “Now, you know just how hard this is for you and how long it takes to rehab. Last time you thought it would be easy and you would be hiking in 6 weeks. Now you know that hiking is likely 8 months to a year away. You know how hard this is going to be.”

I let that sink in, feeling the constriction in my chest and the wild beating of my heart. Then I asked for help. “Please help me through this. Carry me, because I’m not sure I can carry myself. I surrender, completely.”

Then I had this thought come into my mind from somewhere beyond me, “You will be ok. Step-by-step and moment-by-moment, you will get through this. When you need to be carried, I will carry you, or send someone to do it. Don’t be afraid. Trust me. This is the final lesson for you to learn on your Hip Adventure. Let go and trust. Surrender. And keep eating right and doing your exercises! Think positively, visualize a perfect outcome, in time. Surround yourself with positive, supportive, loving people. Unplug from anything negative that brings your energy and heart down. You will be fine.”

I am not a stranger to this Presence which gives me these succinct, powerful messages. It has been with me in every time of need in my life. It has always been right. After this experience, I was not as anxious. As I reflected on the message and honored my feelings, my peace grew and my pain decreased. It always surprises me how that happens.

I talked to Scott about it. He said, “You’ve been anxious?” I guess I don’t show it on the outside. I nodded. He said, “Well, that explains why I’m having all this anxiety I can’t figure out! It’s yours!” He told me he hadn’t been sleeping well since my anxiety began and couldn’t figure out what was wrong. The next morning he announced he’d slept like a baby, which is normal for him. The whole exchange between us reminded me that our partners are on the ride with us when we have these surgical adventures. It’s important to communicate with them what is going on inside of us. Then we can both be free and sleep again. I’ve been sleeping again too.

Now I feel peaceful and ready. I know deep down it will all be ok. I will come out of this. Last night I dreamed that this one would be easier and I would recover faster. I hope this is true, and I nurture that hope in my imagination, seeing myself recovering with ease. At the same time, I don’t want to fall into the trap of that expectation. It will be what it will be, and I will paddle this river stroke by stroke. It’s all any of us can do.

I remember Davis, Dr. Shukla’s assistant, telling me that 7 months was when I could expect to feel less pain and more strength in my right leg and hip. Turns out he was absolutely right! Just in the last couple of weeks, I’ve noticed that I can contract my glutes and not get a jab of pain. This, of course, makes working the muscles much easier, so I’m gaining strength. I also notice that my energy is returning and I’m beginning to finally feel more myself. As extra bonuses, my flexibility and balance are improving. Yay! For the first time, I have hope that I can get used to the cable around my right femur and not have to have it surgically removed.

I think all these improvements in my right side and my energy have given me an emotional lift as well. Right now I can honestly say I’m ready for my next surgery. I didn’t feel that way a couple of weeks ago. After my last blog entry, I continued to struggle with ups and downs–going from confidence to despair on an emotional roller coaster. I tried to stay present with whatever I was feeling. I journaled and prayed a lot, talked to friends and family who listened, supported and consoled me. Something shifted on Easter Sunday, which made me smile. Resurrection Day–symbolic of the Light returning to the world and the beginning of spring and new growth.

Now I feel peaceful, calm and confident. I have faith this next surgery will be a success. I know what to expect now and how long the healing process for my body actually takes. I know how to support my healing process, what helps and what sets me back. I’m glad to be going into this one in the spring, so I can recover in the warmer and less stormy months. Recovering in winter was not easy. My Buttrometer was a definite pain in the behind with all the barometric pressure changes!

I am now only a month away from the replacement of my left hip. While that is still hard to imagine, it is not as daunting an idea as it was last month. I am so grateful for this shift.

For my fellow hip people, I wanted to share what I’ve been doing to prehab my left hip and continue to rehab my right hip, and deal with the increasing joint pain in my left hip:

• I’m achy and stiff when I get up, so I do about 20-30 minutes of gentle yoga, Tai Chi and Qigong. This helps me loosen up. I do squats and some of the Foundation back exercises for strength and range of motion. With this routine, I haven’t had to take anything for pain in the morning. I also spend about an hour doing yogic breathwork and energy practices, praying, meditating, and reading spiritual texts.
• During the day, I play Goldilocks. I seek the “just right” amount of sitting, standing, walking, stretching. Mostly, this means I don’t do any one thing for very long. I can sit the longest–up to 2 hours. But it helps if I get up every hour and walk and stretch. Standing is limited to 20-30 minutes. I can walk 1/2 to 3/4 of a mile, some days. Other days, a block is all I can manage. If I get the balance right, I don’t have to take anything for pain all day.
• In the afternoon, I either swim laps for 30 minutes or do an hour of more intense yoga & Tai Chi, PT exercises to strengthen my hips and legs, pilates mat work for my abs/back, and free hand weights for my upper body. Before and after my swims, I spend about 15 minutes in the whirlpool. Great for loosening up and stretching my muscles.
• In the evenings, I have a glass or two of wine and enjoy a nice dinner with Scott. Often times we include family and friends. We watch positive, uplifting shows or movies. We talk with each other and snuggle. It helps to feel loved and supported by the people around me and to stay to the positive and avoid the negative.
• Towards avoiding the negative, I don’t expose myself to news, except for one brief look mid-day to be aware of the latest developments. Often, I then immediately turn it all over to Spirit and pray for what is in the Highest Good for us all.
• I’ve been striving to eat nutritious, healthy food and to avoid overeating and gaining weight. I seem to have ups and downs with this, but that may be more related to menopause than my hip situation…
• At night is when I have the most problems with pain. At bedtime, I take 2 ibuprofen, a dropper full of CBD oil that doesn’t have THC so it doesn’t get me high at all and is legal to obtain in all 50 states (here’s my source for 1000 mg full spectrum tincture: https://www.thecbdistillery.com/), and I rub CBD salve on both my hips. I’m finding I sleep 1-2 hours at a time before I have to change position. Sometimes I wake up achy in the middle of the night and I rub on more of the salve, usually this is enough to get me back to sleep. If I’m having a really bad night (only happens if I overdo it during the day), I take another 2 ibuprofen. I find the CBD oil has a very soothing, anti-anxiety effect and deepens my sleep. Scott tells me he has noticed a real difference in my sleep since I started taking it.

I’m guessing that I won’t be doing an 8 Month update, since my next surgery is on May 16th. I’ll plan to resume at 9 Months Right Hip/1 Month Left Hip sometime around mid-June. Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers!

I always find it fascinating how quickly peace returns when I face and share the dark times. It was only yesterday that I was struggling with my altitude and now I seem to be cruising steadily again in calm air.

I want to thank all of you who have reached out to me with expressions of concern and comfort, or who have sent good energy and wishes my way. I know that helped a lot too.

This morning it occurred to me that it is as important to write about the return of peace today, as it was to write about the struggle of yesterday. Often, I forget how quickly this can happen if I am truly present to pain, both physical and emotional. Once the light of understanding and compassion shines on pain, it dissolves. It also helps to share it and not keep it inside where it festers and grows.

It reminds me of Theo seeking love. He MEOWS very loudly, letting me know he needs attention. Then he hops up into whatever I’m doing: sitting on the keyboard, circling the cutting board, plopping down near my plate. If I absently scratch an ear in an attempt to placate him, he meows again and pushes closer, insisting that I pay full attention. He will keep this up until I turn to him, place my forehead on his and scratch the sides of his face, pouring love and attention into him. Then he erupts in that lovely purrrr of his. He can handle this for about five minutes, after which he hops down and goes happily on with his day. My pain seems to also need that five minutes of complete and total attention and love, then it moves on.

Today I feel like a mountain lake after a thunderstorm, serene and still, perfectly reflecting the sky, and the peaks.

I debated about writing this entry, but I believe it is important to share this part of Hip Adventures. We all have adventures of some kind, and struggling with maintaining altitude during the challenging times is part of all our life journeys.

I am mostly a positive, sunny person who looks on the bright side of situations, even the really bad ones. This has always helped me through the dark times. And I tend to only want to write about staying in the Light.

But sometimes it is important to share about being in the darkness, the despair, the discouragement, the pain, the sadness, the exhaustion. I am in this place now, where this whole situation feels heavy and I no longer feel strong enough to pick myself up and rise above it. It’s easy to tell myself a story about how this saga will never end and I will never walk and move effortlessly and pain-free again. I am so tired of the pain and the disability.

I recognize a lot of my sense of self has been wrapped around the strength and endurance of my physical body. Now that is slipping away. With the leaving, there is grieving. As much as I want to escape, it is important for me to be with this grief, with all these dark emotions. I have no more strength to run from the pain anymore. So I let it wash over me in waves–crying when I need to, asking for a hug when I need one, taking time for myself, talking to loved ones, petting Theo, and writing, which has always been one of my main outlets.

It’s an odd thing to discover that when I’m with pain, it passes through me like a wave. Then it dissipates and there is peace and calm. Then another wave comes, and goes. Who is it who watches all the comings and goings? The pain and the relief? The sadness and the joy?

As my physical self fades, the Spirit that animates it grows stronger. My awareness of this Spirit  within me grows. It is eternal and always filled with peace and a quiet joy. This is the great discovery of turning to face the darkness, of allowing the altitude to dip beneath the clouds. The great tapestry of Life is woven of both the light and the darkness. Without the contrast, we would not be able to experience it all.

If I allow myself to settle deep within, I can feel myself at One with Everything. Here there is no pain and it is all ok. It seems I must be willing to go down into the clouds and fall into the Sea to be one with Spirit. Here there is boundless love and endless peace, and I can rest and heal. Then, when it is time, I will break the surface and fly up and out again, chasing the sun.

I love to fly near the sun. But, that is only one aspect of Life. No one gets to always fly near the sun, ask Icarus. However, I’m not sure that he really drowned in the ocean when he fell out of the sky. I like to think he found his true depths in the Ocean of Being and then learned to fly free through it all.