Yesterday, I had a fascinating conversation, as I often do, with my friend, Peggy. We got on the subject of judgment vs. discernment. What’s the difference? We came up with some good distinctions I wanted to share.

Judgment often comes from an ego-based place and it tends to have a hard edge to it. When I’m judging, I notice tension in my jaws, tightness in my heart, narrowing of my eyes. It often comes out as criticism of another’s thoughts, actions, beliefs. “I can’t believe she could think that!” “How could he have done that?”  “Who could hold such a belief?” It is about condemnation from a self-elevated place. In this place I have forgotten “judge not lest ye be judged.” I want to change the other to be more like me, because I’ve got it all figured it (ha!). There is a strong element of righteous indignation that makes me feel superior to whomever or whatever I’m judging. It is about force, forcing my opinion on someone else. The other thing I notice about judging is that I’m often judging something in myself that I have projected onto the other person (remove the log in your own eye, before seeking to remove the splinter in your neighbor’s). If I’m particularly riled up about something, I can be sure it is a reflection of something I’m doing myself that I don’t like.

Discernment is related to judgment, but it comes from a different place. Here’s a good definition I found online: discernment is perceiving without judgment and with the intention of obtaining spiritual direction and understanding. It is about Seeing with the Eyes of the Soul (previous post). Discernment seeks the truth from a higher perspective and it is softer than judgment. When I am discerning, I am not tense, my heart is soft and open, I am curious about the other’s thoughts, actions, beliefs. I ask questions and listen for the answers, not to pounce on them in order to correct, but to better understand them. Meanwhile, I’m also checking in with myself, hopefully my Higher Self, and my heart and gut. I’m trying to better understand myself in relation to the other (I’m also seeking the log in my eye). Out of this practice, I may be influenced to change my mind, or to refine or reframe  my thinking. I see the other’s way of seeing/being/thinking as equal to my own, not less than. I may also decide that my perspective rings more true to me and works better and that I’m sticking with it. But, I don’t go the extra step of judgment and try to force it on the other. Often this is a place of agreeing to disagree and moving on. It is about mutual respect and empowerment to make different choices and hold different beliefs, and still like each other. It doesn’t mean we go along with something we disagree with in order to please or remain connected to another. Sometimes discernment requires us to withdraw from an activity, group or relationship.

How I will practice discernment today:

When I feel the hard edge of judgment in my body and hear it in my words and thoughts, I will STOP and softly bring my attention to my heart. I like to hold the image of one hand on my heart and one hand on the heart of  the other. From this place of compassion, I will seek to understand both of us and empower both of us to be in our truths, whatever that may be. I give myself permission to be changed/influenced by the other. I also give myself and the other permission to decide to back away or disengage if that serves Truth. If I decide to disengage, I will do it with lovingkindness and not harshness.

This post is part 2 of my inspiring phone call with my friend, Debs. We were talking about seeing life and others through the eyes of our souls, rather than through the ego-mind’s filter of judgment.

What does it mean to see with the eyes of your Soul or Spirit?

For me, this means that I rise out of my lower, ego-mind perspective and into the higher perspective of my Soul or Spirit or Witness. We all have different words for this part of us that is connected to God/Source/Spirit (we all have different words for that too). I personally like Spirit, and at times, Witness. So, the idea is to see a situation not from the narrow and often self-serving perspective of Rhonda Ashurst, but from the higher perspective of my Spirit.

Questions that help me get there:

“What is in the highest good for all Beings, including myself?”

“What do I need to be aware of in this moment?”

“How do I see this through the eyes of Compassion?”

Situations in which I use the questions:

• Meeting new people and discerning why they have come across my path and what is the highest response I can make to them. (Sometimes this leads to engagement with them and sometimes it leads to avoidance or choosing not to respond.)
• Considering the next action to take. Stay or go? Pray or do something? Email or read? Connect or disconnect? Exercise or rest? Eat/drink this or don’t? Say something or listen? And lately, ice or heat? 🙂
• Choosing what response to make, including which words to use, or none at all.
• How I will frame my attitude about a challenge that has appeared in my path.
• Well, and the list goes on and is endless, but you get the idea.

How I will practice seeing with the eyes of my soul today:

As I move through my day, I will be mindful of the decisions/judgments I am making and I will lift up my perspective into my Spirit/Witness to do what is in the highest good for all to the best of my ability. I will remind myself to be compassionate with myself and others and my precious body.

This is my first post in a new theme (Enlightening Practices) inspired by my dear friend, Debs. It was part of a long conversation we had last night and she encouraged me to share it here. Thank you my sweet soul sister for our many years of friendship! This is dedicated to you, a person who faces a multitude of daily challenges with humor, perseverance, playfulness, courage and a wild sense of adventure! Drop the judgment and you will be free.

One of the things I have learned both through 25 years of meditation and many wise spiritual writings and teachers, is that we are very judgmental. Our minds continuously label, judge, analyze, compare. They can become tyrants that literally run our lives with their litany of “shoulding.” They literally imprison us within a jail of judgment–our own and our projections onto ourselves of others’ judgments. “You should be more like him/her.”  “You shouldn’t have said/done that.” “You should be stronger, smarter, thinner, richer, sexier, more at peace, blah, blah, blah…”

Under the “shoulding” is judgment that says we are lacking, that we’d be better if we were someone other than who we are, if we were somewhere else, if we were doing something else with someone else. Then we do it to others, especially the people we love.  And, we allow them to do it to us. You know, we have the power to stop this insanity!

We are rarely here, now, in this moment, simply enjoying it and being grateful. That’s why we call these “peak” moments. They are usually the stuff of our fondest memories when we are lost in the beautiful flow of life and forget to judge. In these moments, we know it is all perfect, and we are free.

And then we forget again.

So, this is the enlightening practice:  

Try living this day (or as much of it as you can, hey, a minute is a good start) without judging anything that occurs. Accept whatever comes across your path. Be curious about it. How did this end up in my day? What is the best way for me to embrace this? Remember that what we resist persists, what we reject with judgment keeps showing up. Sometimes, what seems like a bad thing turns out to be good, and what seems like a good thing turns out to be bad.

What I personally am going to work on today:

I am judging my walk. I still walk with a limp and it hurts and I’m frustrated. I expected it to be better by the 6-week mark. But I’m about where I was pre-surgery. I have been fighting this by pushing myself aggressively to strengthen weak gluteal muscles, so I can walk normally and without pain. Ironically, I’m causing myself more pain and setting myself back. So, today, I will embrace my walk just as it is and be thankful I can walk at all. I will be thankful I can walk without a walker or a cane. I will be thankful for all the amazing things my body can do 6 weeks after a hip replacement. I will be kind and gentle, while I’m helping my body grow stronger. Today, I will rest and I will cultivate peace and gratitude for exactly where I am in my healing process. And every time I “should” on myself, I will stop, breathe and remind myself of this practice. I will also be mindful of my tendency to judge others, and will send blessings for whatever is in their highest good instead.