I find myself thinking about how to do this a lot lately, as I watch the COVID-19 cases climb in my community, the country and the world. I recall the epidemiologists saying that the worst wave would come during the fall and winter months and that we needed to be prepared for that. Most of us are tired of the pandemic and yearning to get back to the way things were. It’s tempting to throw caution to the wind and have holiday gatherings. We always feel safer with those we love, so this virus is particularly insidious because that’s our biggest vulnerability right now. Especially with colder weather and most of us gathering indoors.

So what do we do? There are lots of options, and like most things in life, they exist on a continuum of risk. We all have to decide where we are on the continuum as we make our holiday plans. I thought it would be interesting to blog on the subject, share my own ideas and invite you to share yours as comments.

Of course, the safest thing is don’t gather. Stay home with your immediate family members. Use technology to connect with loved ones, like Zoom (lifting its 40 minute limit for Thanksgiving), FaceTime, Google, Skype, WhatsApp or just a phone in speaker mode. I know some folks who are cooking the same things and then eating together remotely. Some are dropping off favorite dishes, safely prepared at the door–a kind of remote potluck.

The next safest thing is eating outdoors if weather permits. You can use outdoor heaters, blankets, warm weather clothing. I understand the Norwegians say that, “There is no bad weather, only bad clothing.” Be careful about sharing dishes and utensils. It’s best to have a designated server who is masked and has sanitized hands. Alternatively, you can have everyone bring their own everything if you want to be real safe.

We spent much of the summer and early fall months doing this in our outdoor living room area, keeping households 6 feet apart and often bringing all our own food, drinks, plates, utensils. We did prepare food for others sometimes and bring it out on plates. I confess sometimes we goofed and passed around condiments or other items we shouldn’t have. Later we would realize we had made a mistake. It has been a learning process.

Then there are the decisions about who we spend time with indoors, which is the riskiest environment. We have always treated my mom, who is 85, as one of our household because she depends on us for essential care and also for company (she lives alone). We talked with her about the risks, even though we are careful. She decided she would rather take the risk and be able to spend time with us without masks and social distancing. This is similar to many people’s decision to socialize in pods. Our neighbors have a pod of three couples who are very close friends and have regular dinner parties with each other, but limit their contact with others outside their group.

Recently, it has become too cold to gather outside and we know it will be impossible to do Thanksgiving and Christmas with our parents outdoors. Scott’s 95-year-old father lives in a senior, independent living community and prior to October was not able to come out for meals with us. Since March, we have been doing happy hour or dinner with him daily on FaceTime. In October we were able to take him to an outdoor lunch in Truckee with my aunt and uncle, making sure we all wore masks in the car. In November we brought him to our house for Veteran’s Day (he is a WWII and Korea vet). Again, we discussed with him the risks and like my mother, he decided it was worth it to him to take the risk.

Now we are preparing for Thanksgiving next week. It has been a tradition for Scott’s oldest brother and his lady to host. They really want to celebrate Thanksgiving with Jim and us, and Jim would like this too. Again, we all discussed the increased risk in having another household join in and how we might handle it as safely as possible. We agreed that we will all wear masks when moving around the house (like a restaurant’s protocol). Scott and I will handle the food prep and serving using COVID hand cleaning protocols and wearing masks. Jimmy and Scott will grill the turkey outside. Here’s how we plan to set up the house:

Scott and I have agreed that this is the maximum number of people and households we are ok with hosting using these protocols. It will allow Jim to see his children and have a meal with them in smaller groups.

Christmas is usually a large, family affair with 25+ people in attendance. Gatherings like this are very risky and we’ve all agreed not worth it. So we will celebrate Christmas with just us and our parents, set up similar to Veteran’s Day. Maybe we will plan FaceTime calls with other family members so we can share with them remotely.

This is a year unlike any we’ve experienced before. But it is a unique opportunity to get creative and find new ways of connecting while staying protected. It looks like we will have a vaccine soon. Hopefully, enough of us will be vaccinated that we can have a more normal holiday season next year. For now, it’s up to us all to make the best choices we can to slow the spread of the virus and save lives.

Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving and a Blessed Christmas!