It feels like it is time for a hip update. I’m now almost 2 years out from my right hip replacement, 1 1/4 years from my left, and 10 months post-cable-removal from my right femur.

I finally feel healed! I can do all the things I really want to do now, without pain and struggle. It seems like a miracle when I look back at where I was 2 years ago–in agony and barely able to walk.

This summer I did my first real hiking in three years. It was such a pleasure to get out on mountain trails again and to be able to enjoy the experience without pain and disability.

Of course, I overdid my first big hike. Didn’t mean to, it just happened. The sign said: Smith Lake 2 miles. That seemed easily doable. It turned out to be 3 miles straight up and straight down on loose rock and I’d left my hiking poles at our campsite. Looking back, I don’t know why I kept going when it was clear that it was too much and I wasn’t having fun. Within the first mile, I was already questioning how I was going to get back down over all that loose rock on fatigued legs with no hiking poles. NOTE TO SELF: When you are feeling this way, it is time to stop and go back.

I ask myself now why I pushed it? Part of it was to prove I could do it, and I did. Part of it was not wanting to disappoint Scott. Turns out he wasn’t having fun either and would have welcomed the idea of returning to camp and choosing a less strenuous trail. We have since agreed that should we ever find ourselves on such a trail again, we will do exactly that and not worry about who we might disappoint! After that first hike, we did more moderate trails around beautiful mountain lakes which was much for enjoyable.

After that first round of hikes, I didn’t seem to have any ill effects, other than the usual soreness and muscle fatigue for a few days. Then, about 10 days afterwards, a really weird thing happened. I started feeling wobbly on my legs again, not trusting them under me, feeling weak. I was getting scary familiar twinges in my groin and around my trochanter on the sides of my hips. My left hip (which was my stronger one) seemed worse than my right, which was freaking me out. I started to fear dislocation. I had the old sensation that I could just walk right out of my hips. I considered calling my surgeon to request moving up my annual visit and getting some x-rays.

As I shared this with my hip friends, they wondered if I’d overdone it and just needed to take it easier, get my massages, sit in an epsom bath, do restorative/yin yoga. Basically, chill out!

This week, I’ve done exactly that and what a miracle cure! All the strange sensations and twinges disappeared. I could feel my legs strong and steady under me. I’ve been pondering what caused such a transformative change.

What I’ve come up with is that I made a commitment to my body not to push it beyond its edge, and I broke that commitment. In yoga, we “work our edge.” We come into a pose and find the edge of our comfort zone, our range. Then we back off a bit, breathe into it and explore opening further into the pose. This exploration is gentle, respecting the limits of our particular body in the moment. It seems I often have to be reminded of this practice, as my natural tendency is to extend myself beyond my limits. I have noticed that my hips tend to be my own personal alarm system, alerting me that I’ve gone too far. When something is so hard that I am tense and afraid and struggling, like that first hike, I need to back off and not push myself to keep going. Why do I seem to have to relearn that lesson over and over?

As I worked with my body in restorative/yin yoga poses, it came to me that I have also over-extended myself in other areas of my life this summer. Quakers have a lovely way of testing this by asking the question, “Am I keeping my life simple and avoiding commitments beyond my strength and Light?” I love this query! I promised myself that I would use it before making commitments and that I would honor my own limits. I know if I don’t take care of myself, my ability to be patiently and lovingly present for others is hampered. This is another lesson I seem to need to repeat, and another commitment to myself I have broken this summer.

I’ve found the best way to hold myself accountable is to share my struggles and ask for help from those who know and love me. This post is partly about doing that and enlisting your help in reminding me of these commitments. It is also about sharing honestly the ups and downs of recovery from hip replacements. I just saw a post on BoneSmart from a hip friend of mine expressing some of this same distrust of her new hips. Maybe we all experience this in our own ways and for our own reasons. I appreciated her bringing it up at the exact time that I was having the same struggle. It helped me look deeper and wonder, ask hard questions, be willing to revisit my old lessons and then talk about it honestly.

This week of resting, restoring, reflecting and renewing my commitments has been wonderful! It reminds me how important it is. Now my wish is to weave this way of being into the fabric of my daily life. I seemed to do this better when I was in hip recovery. Now that I am recovered from my surgeries, it’s time to recover my life from my over-do-it ways, and be kinder and easier with myself.